Only a Matter of Time
by Jennamajig

SUMMARY: Loneliness

SPOILERS/SEASON: None.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This little scene just hit me and is probably one of the most depressing things I've written. And I was in a good mood. Go figure.

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

It rained.

The drops fell down, forming muddy puddles and damp soil - terrain to be avoided for at least a few hours even after the sky cleared. He watched from his shelter, taking comfort in the rain. It was the only sound loud enough to drown out his own thoughts. The time when he heard nothing but the pounding of the raindrops and the time when he wished it would never stop.

But it did. It always did. Left him once again to an empty world and an empty heart.

Only a matter of time.

Sitting back on his heels, Daniel nestled himself into the mound of leaves he'd created when he first found himself on this planet, alone. Alone, tired, hungry, sneezing. Flung into a storm that not only forced him to find the cavern in which he now resided, but caused trees to fall, and erased his one way of escape. Answers.

Home.

From his current position, he could gaze out into the pouring rain and if he squinted just right he could make it out. The fallen Stargate. Almost completely covered with fallen trees and dirt. Blocking any passage out. No rescue could come.

The DHD lay a hundred feet away - useless before Daniel had even arrived. Fried by what Daniel could only guess was a lightning bolt. For in the three-hundred and eighty-seven days he had been on this planet, lightning storms were almost a daily occurrence.

He turned from the rain. Raising a hand he removed his glasses - strangely still intact after all he'd been through. He reached under his bed of leaves and took out a piece of wood, adding another notch to it. It was the only way he'd known how much time passed. He wondered why he even bothered with it anymore. Why he even bothered with anything anymore.

Only a matter of time.

When he's first found himself stranded those words were full of hope, of promise. It would only be a matter of time before someone realized that he was gone, that the wormhole he'd stepped through went terribly wrong. He'd found Jack and Sam in Antarctica, surely they could find out where he was. That's why he started digging. Digging through rubble to uncover the Stargate for them. For Jack.

God, he missed Jack. He missed them all, but Jack especially. He missed the warmth of another body curled up against him. He missed the relationship he and his friend had just begun to explore. He missed companionship.

He missed love.

Only a matter of time.

Those words were dark now. They didn't find him. He uncovered the Stargate, only to have more storms cover it right back up. He'd tried again and again, until he slowly began to lost faith. It was still only a matter of time, all right.

He was tired. Already he had battled several illnesses, Jack and rescue the only thought keeping him going. That if they came he had to be well. That if _he_ came he had to be well. His allergies were constant now. He'd run out of medication almost eleven months prior and the rain was murder on his sinuses. Still, he persevered. But tiredness lingered and began to enfold him. His searches for food had decreased in the recent days. Even with the food he managed to find, he had lost weight. Now, he knew, he'd lose more. He had found fresh water not too far away, and still made daily trips there. That much he did. Perhaps, deep down, he was still clinging to the hope that help would come and that he should be alive when it arrived.

He should be alive for Jack.

Alive, but in what sense? Alive, on the outside. But within …

The first sleepless nights brought troubled dreams. Friendly faces, laughter, companionship. He'd woken up a few times expecting to find himself back in the SGC, or better yet, home. Those dreams soon changed to dreams of Jack. Some so passionate that Daniel physically felt the repercussions. Those times he feared opening his eyes. If he didn't he could pretend it was Jack, the two of them home, surrounded by warm blankets and each other.

Reality destroyed those dreams. Currently, Daniel tried to sleep most of the time, for sleep was when he could find a little bit of happiness.

In the awake hours he wrote or used his tape recorder. However, the tapes ran out, his journal pages filled, and his pen ran dry, giving him no other way to record his feelings, except in his muddled brain. He hadn't said a word to anyone, anything, in months. The sound of his own voice was foreign. He had to try hard to remember
it.

Only a matter of time.

He was depressed, he knew. Eating less was simply a symptom, but there was nothing he could do to fix it. Loneliness was the worst feeling in world, and it certainly wasn't the first time he'd experienced it. But now - now it was different. Before he could always hold on to hope; as long as people surrounded, he could help out, try and find a place. And he'd finally found one. Found a spot in a family, and another spot in Jack's arms.

But here, here there was no one. Hope died when all around you was emptiness. No people to even try and interact with. No woodland creatures came to give him an outlet for affection.

Sleep, he decided. He could sleep again. Close his eyes and for another few hours imagine it had never happened. There he could picture the blue of a wormhole, or hear the sounds of a Tok'ra ship landing to rescue him.

Could feel the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder. See the smile meant only for him.

The leaves rustled. The rain fell.

Daniel closed his eyes, a small smile on his lips.

Only a matter of time.

-End-

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