One Last Shoe (#20 in LD Shoelaces Universe)
by Jennamajig

SUMMARY: Daniel tried to deal with being little Daniel. Inspired by the DJsSG-1Lverse yahoo list.

SEASON/SPOILERS: None.

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

A/N: This is the end, folks. I'm not saying that I may never dabble in this universe again with an interlude or two, but for now this series is complete. Thank you to all those who send me feedback; every word meant the world to me and kept the muse writing.

Yet again, *huge* thank-you to Devra for the alpha; I'm so lucky to have her help. Also, thank you to those gals that saw me through the writing of this (you know who you are <g>).

Warning: Tissues needed. I teared-up while writing it, so heed the warning.

"One more chicken strip."

"But I don't wanna. I'm full."

"Too full for dessert?"

"Can I get coffee with it?"

"No."

"Jaaacckkk."

"It stunts your growth."

"Does not. That's an old wives tale. You just want to withhold caffeine."

"You betcha ya. And don't think about using the eyes. They haven't worked before; they're not working now. Oh, and the lip ain't gonna do the trick, either."

He was pouting. In the middle of the SGC's comissionary.

And Jack wasn't buying it. In fact, Jack was ignoring him, instead choosing to work on his own meal. A cup of coffee taunted Daniel from Jack's tray. He poked the chicken strip.

"Stop poking it and eat it."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat."

"I will eat when I'm hungry. I'm not hungry. You're not my keeper."

Jack picked up his coffee cup and took a sip. "Oh, really? I've got a piece of paper that says that is exactly what I am." He put the cup back down on the tray. "It's one lousy piece of chicken, kiddo. I'm not asking for much here."

Daniel tensed at word 'kiddo.' It was Jack's nickname for him and normally it didn't bother him, but today it did. Today was different. Today, Daniel had sat in on a briefing between Hammond and SG-1 and gotten an in-your-face reminder of the upcoming anniversary when Hammond briefly mentioned a routine planet dial-in.

Three days from today it would be a year.

One whole year. 365 days since he'd been transported into another childhood, one that left him with all his memories intact, struggling to find out where he belonged. He thought it wouldn't bother him. He really did. He'd survived twelve months. He just needed to survive the rest of his life.

The rest of his life was a very long time.

Every month they dialed the gate address of the planet where it all began. A planet dubbed PX385, the numbers oddly appropriate - a reminder of his original age and what he'd been shrunk to - to what happened there. Every month, the last chevron would not engage.

In three days, it would be the last time they would ever try.

It was Hammond's order, prompted by Jack. They were getting nowhere, and Daniel knew that. Knew he had to face facts and try and move on. It was something he'd been dealing with, even more so recently. He'd spent over a week on Jack's couch recovering from tonsillectomy complications thinking about it.

He wanted to be able to let go. He really did. But something always seemed to be holding him back and try as he might, whatever it was wasn't willing surrender.

"Daniel. Chicken."

Daniel sighed and stared back down at the food in front of him. He picked a chicken strip, dragged it through the river of ketchup on his plate and then took a bite.

Would he ever be able to really let go? Better yet, did he really want to?

What would happen when defeat met him in three days? He was expecting nothing else. It was easier that way.

Was he just Daniel O'Neill now; was Daniel Jackson gone forever?

--

"Do you want the state of Colorado to see that you can pass the fifth grade?"

Jack turned the car off. Daniel stared out the window. This was not fair.

"I have already passed the fifth grade. A long time ago. I don't need to do it again."

Jack sighed. "I know, Daniel. But you also know that the birth certificate the SGC set you up with says you are six. By law, six-year-olds have to attend school. So, yes, we get around that by saying I am home schooling you, but unfortunately the state of Colorado still requires you to pass a nationally standardized achievement test after grades 3, 5, 7, 9, and 11. And the way we are 'pacing' it, so to speak, you finished fifth grade last week. Hence the trip here."

" 'Here' is an elementary school, Jack. They'll make me sit in a corner of the main office while some poor teacher takes the time to give me a test I don't need. Or want. Then I'll be a freak."

"You're not a freak, Daniel."

"On paper, I am. To Colorado, I'm six. I should be learning to spell and how to add one plus one. Not managing long division using a fat black number two pencil. I still don't understand why if the SGC can come up with a birth certificate for me, they can't doctor the paperwork so can avoid this." Daniel sighed deeply, pressing his back up against the seat.

"The SGC can only do much without arising too much suspicion," Jack countered. "This makes things much easier if you ever want to go back to college and earn another couple of PhDs."

"Then do I have to earn my PhDs all over again?" Bitterness crept into his tone and it sounded wrong. His voice was six as well, and sounded like it. All he needed to do was cross his arms.

Which, of course, was exactly what he did. He couldn't help it. He also couldn't stop the "please don't make me do this" that popped out of his mouth. Perhaps, if he added the eyes this time...

"Daniel. What have I told you about the eyes? It's only a couple of hours of your life."

Only a couple of hours? Yeah, right. It would be another couple of hours in a few months for seventh grade, then more if he planned on moving forward. At this rate, he predicted he could "finish" high school by the time he was ten or eleven.

And what happened when he did that? Did he have to go back to college, get his degree, re-earn his PhD as Daniel O'Neill?

Even though he remembered every moment of his previous life, he was starting all over from scratch.

--

Two days later, Daniel tried to push the words "starting from scratch" out of his brain. Instead he focused on the sight before him.

To almost everyone in the control room, it was just like any other pre-mission Stargate dial. A MALP was waiting to reveal whatever lurked beyond the wormhole and deem it safe for a team to explore it.

If a wormhole formed, that is.

This was Daniel's last chance, his last hope. If the seventh chevron didn't engage, then his fate was truly sealed. Daniel Jackson would cease to exist and Daniel O'Neill would try and go on with his life.

Standing next to him, Jack laid a hand on his shoulder, then gave him a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Daniel appreciated the gesture, but it didn't help his nerves.

Daniel braced himself for disappointment. The sooner it came, the sooner he could let go. Jack appeared to have let go. Jack acted more and more like his father and less and less like his friend.

Daniel liked that. He liked it a lot. He liked drawing pictures and watching Jack light up when he presented his choppy artwork. He liked sitting with Jack on the couch and even liked the occasional unnecessary hug.

But Daniel missed the things he'd lost as well. Driving, credit cards, taking care of himself. It was hard to go back to being completely dependant on other person for your well being when he'd spent so many years doing it all on his own.

The sixth chevron locked and the Stargate spun again, making its way around to that seventh symbol, the one that never locked. Daniel shut his eyes. He couldn't watch it happen it again. It just needed to happen and then maybe Jack would take him for ice cream, preferably coffee-favored with chocolate sprinkles, and then they'd go home and watch that special on the History channel he'd been bugging Jack about.

"Seventh chevron....locked?"

Daniel's eyes flew open just in time to see the whoosh of blue as it spilled into the gate room. His eyes widened and he turned to Jack, his mouth slightly agape.

Jack looked just as surprised, but gave Daniel a smile.

"Guess it's your lucky day, kiddo," he said.

Daniel just looked out at the open wormhole. The MALP made its way up the ramp and disappeared into the blue.

He'd spent so much time thinking about what he'd do when PX385's Stargate address didn't work.

He had no clue what to think when it did.

--

Daniel sat at the briefing table. Still too short for his legs to reach the floor, they were swinging back and forth, nervous energy keeping him from sitting still.

Underneath the tabletop, Jack laid a hand across his knees in a silent plea to; immediately he brought his legs to a halt.

"The MALP telemetry looked clear," Sam said. "There was nothing to explain way we haven't been about to contact PX385 before."

Daniel let those words sink in. No reason. So why? Why now? Was fate tempting him? Or was it just waiting to deal him another harsh blow?

"We sure it's clear?" Jack asked. "We had thought it was all well and good last time until the head ten-year-old decided Daniel needed a 'present.'"

"With all due respect, sir, they didn't actually harm Daniel," Sam pointed out.

Daniel couldn't help snorting at her remark. "Didn't harm me? Sam, look at me."

Sam took a moment to study him. "I know, Daniel. You're...younger. But you're healthy. What if they can't reverse this? Is it worth risking Daniel's life?"

"Indeed," Teal'c put it. "While I empathize with DanielJackson, I also do not wish to endanger his life. The planet's inhibitants did not explain their intentions when this incident occurred."

Jack let out a sigh. "No, they didn't."

Daniel stared down at the table, and stared at his hands. His six-year-old hands. This was his last chance. But what if Sam was right? What if it meant more disappointment? Could he handle that?

On the other hand, he'd been setting himself up for failure before the wormhole even established itself; therefore, it would be no different than before.

He wanted to try.

He wanted to go off world. He lifted his head and turned his gaze towards General Hammond.

The General, for his part, had been silent through most of the negotiation and Daniel figured he was weighing the pros and cons. Daniel knew even though it had yet to be discussed, his emotional well-being was a large factor.

Hell, he worried about his emotional well-being, too. But he wanted to go.

He had to. He needed to.

So he met Hammond's eyes and opened his mouth.

"Please, sir. I need to go."

Two hours later, the address was being dialed and Daniel watched the wormhole towards his future form one more time.

--

This was it.

The end.

Or was it?

Daniel was shaking as soon as his feet touched the ground of PX385. Seriously shaking. Shivers racked his body in way he'd only experienced once before, and that was after his very first trip through the gate.

Jack's hands were on his shoulders.

"Daniel? Are you cold?"

Daniel shook his head, tried to control his body, but it wasn't listening. He felt on edge, more nervous than he had ever been in his entire life.

"I'm scared," he whispered into the air, soft enough so that he hoped no one heard him. Sam and Teal'c were a few feet ahead, scanning the trees.

"I know you are." There was a reassuring squeeze on both his shoulders. Jack had heard him.

But that was okay, Daniel realized. It was okay because he was scared. For he was still six and six-year-olds were allowed to be scared.

Daniel felt a pit form in the deep depths of his stomach.

They walked onward towards a break in the trees, just as they had the last time they'd visited PX385. Within fifteen minutes they hit the village. The village of the young.

It was just as Daniel remembered it. Children were everywhere and there wasn't a single adult in view. Smiling faces, playful actions, a world so seemed different from Earth. Peaceful.

Innocent.

Yes, that was it. This place was completely innocent.

It was interesting viewing the planet through a true child's eyes. Everyone wasn't "small," they were his size and when he turned back to look at teammates, he was almost taken aback by how gigantic they appeared in comparison.

It began to feel surreal. Nausea stirred in Daniel's gut and the all too familiar chill once again descended on him again. On the wake of the chill came the shaking, followed by blurry vision and when Jack reached out to touch him, he subconsciously moved away.

He had no clue why. Jack wasn't the enemy.

What was happening?

A boy stepped out. He was taller than Daniel was, yet Daniel had a sense that he knew him. He was very familiar.

It was all very familiar.

And yet, it wasn't.

He was being dragged. No, wait, that wasn't right. He was being led, or pushed, towards a brick building. Jack was shouting something at him, but he couldn't understand it. The words sounded so far away. Sam and Teal'c were moving and...

"You have returned to us."

The words were crystal clear. But it wasn't a child speaking to him. The voice was female and soft.

Daniel felt hands let go of him, and he stared back out towards Jack, towards Sam and Teal'c. But the world spun, the green of the grass crowding his vision.

"You need rest. You have a long journey ahead of you."

Daniel closed his eyes and everything faded away.

--

Something was different.

Before Daniel even opened his eyes, he felt it. He wasn't sure what "it" was exactly, but he did know "it" was big. He felt warmth hit his face and a hand brush his forehead. It was soft and calming.

And feminine.

"Mom," he muttered, the words escaping his mouth before he realized how ridiculous it was.

"Oh, Danny, if only."

Daniel bolted up. No, it couldn't be. He blinked, his vision still fuzzy. He was in a room; the walls were red and bumpy. He shook his head. Brick, the walls were brick and there was a woman...

No, that wasn't possible.

"Mom?" he repeated, his breath hitching. This was a dream. It had to be. Anything else would be just too cruel.

The woman shook her head, her eyes closing a moment. "I'm not who you think I am, Danny."

But you are, Daniel wanted to scream. She sounded just like her, his name rolled off her tongue in way he hadn't heard in over thirty years.

What was happening?

He blinked, felt the tears forming in his eyes. He tried to keep them in. He shouldn't be crying in his dream. Dreams were the only place he couldn't cry. The only place where being six didn't get in the way.

But the tears fell, trickling down his nose.

This wasn't happening. This was a horrible, horrible joke. He wasn't on PX385. The seventh chevron hadn't locked. Instead he was trapped in some soon-to-be-nightmare that would soon have him waking up with a scream, his legs tangled in his Sponge Bob comforter and sweat covering his face. Then he'd toss the covers aside, brace his feet for the cold floor, and sneak into Jack's room.

Jack would help him forget.

The woman moved closer, held her hands out. He stepped back. He didn't want her touching him.

She wasn't real. She couldn't be.

But he could only go so far before his back met the rough brick covered wall. Her blue eyes stared at him.

Blue eyes so much like his own.

"Mommy," he whispered and felt so very six. The first time he'd been six, she's been alive. He looked at her, kept thinking he'd walk up to her and then she'd disappear.

She didn't. He reached out a hand, expecting to meet air, but it hit flesh. Solid skin and bone, the warmth of blood pumping through veins, the smell of her perfume - the kind his father had shipped all the way from New York.

"Are you...?" He couldn't finish his statement. If he did, he was afraid he would get the answer he really didn't want to know. Or believe.

She shook her head again. "Yes...and no." She smiled. "Oh, Danny, I only wanted to make you happy."

Happy? He didn't understand. He started shaking his head back and forth quickly. The motion made him dizzy, but he didn't care. "Who are...?" He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. "What are you?"

There, he'd asked.

She took a deep breath. "I'm...I live here. These children belong to me."

"No," he said, "but you're...you look like..."

"I know. I don't have a real appearance. Or my own body, if you will. I can only appear as you want me to."

No. That wasn't right. He didn't want her to be...or did he? The tears were falling faster. "I don't want...I mean, I need..." He couldn't get the words out, and the tears increased, quickly turning into sobs.

She reached out for him again and this time he didn't move away.

--

Jack was beyond worried. The events of last year flashed before his eyes and he couldn't help thinking that these 'kids' were up to no good. Would they return Daniel in one piece? Would he be presented with an even younger Daniel?

Jack did *not* want to deal with an infant Daniel. He had a hard enough time dealing with the six-year-old.

"You think they're harmless this time, Carter?"

Carter started at the brick structure. Jack had already tried pushing his way in, but the locals didn't like that. Despite the fact that no one on the planet appeared to carry any type of weapon, Jack knew they possessed something far more damaging than any P90.

He figured Daniel would agree.

Carter was looking at him. Oh, right, he'd asked her a question

"He'll be okay," he muttered.

"Who are you trying to convince, sir?" Carter asked and he shot her a look. She turned to Teal'c who raised an eyebrow.

"These people do not appear threatening, O'Neill. I could attempt-"

"No," Jack cut him off. He wasn't sure why, but he knew they shouldn't enter the building. He felt down to the very essence of his being, this was something that had to happen and he had to let Daniel make his own choice.

Choice? Where the hell had that come from?

A little girl stepped forth and tapped her fingers on his thigh. He stared down at her and she smiled.

"It is for him," she explained and Jack had the strangest sense of déjà vu.

All he knew was he wasn't leaving this place without Daniel.

It didn't matter if he was six or thirty-nine - he was bringing Daniel home.

--

Daniel didn't want to let go. Even if she wasn't real, at this very moment - to him - she was. If he let go, she may disappear for good and shatter the illusion.

No, he wouldn't let go.

"Danny," she muttered, her voice low. "We need to talk."

No. He didn't want to talk. He buried his face into her shoulder, trying to avoid the inevitable.

She sighed and he felt her gently release him. He shifted his gaze to ground, not wanting to meet her eyes, but her hand reached out and tipped his chin up.

"You know why you're here," she told him.

He shook his head. "No, I don't." He had no clue. For almost twelve months this possibility never existed. A stubborn chevron stood between him and the option of regaining any sense of the life he'd had before. Even though the memories remained, the true sense of being thirty-eight was gone and he was hard pressed to remember how it felt to walk around in that body. Now he was in a constant battle with his new child mentality.

He'd almost accepted it. He'd been ready to try and move forward. He had a new name, a new goal to work for. When Jack hugged him it seemed as if that tiny hole deep inside him didn't exist.

He knew then why he was seeing her.

He knew then what she meant.

"You have a choice," she told him.

Did he really? It had be so long? Did another option exist? Why a year? Why not a week, a month? What was the point?

He understood, yet he still felt more confused than ever.

"Come." She gripped his hand and started to walk. He sniffed, his nose clogged from crying, his chest tight and he could only hope he wouldn't have an asthma attack.

Could he even have an asthma attack in a dream?

He let her lead him to a small swallow pool of water. One he swore hadn't existed before. Did she create it? Did someone create all of this?

"Look," she instructed and let go of his hand. He looked at her hesitantly, but she only gestured to the water. He shut his eyes and pointed his head down and counted to himself.

One, two, three.

His eyes opened and the image that greeted him almost sent him barreling back.

It was him.

No, it was the *other* him. The same blue eyes blinked at him, but wire frame glasses covered them. The same glasses he hadn't used since his transformation happened. He lifted a hand up to his eyes.

There was nothing there. Yet the reflection didn't change.

Daniel felt a chill curse through him. He leaned in closer, studied himself in a way he never had before. His hair was short, as he remembered it. Some lines had started to form around his eyes and he looked...incomplete.

Daniel knelt down and touched the water, watched the reflection ripple in the disturbance his fingers created.

He was speechless. He could only look at her, eyes wide.

"I don't understand," he finally managed to utter.

"You do," she argued. "I wouldn't be here if you didn't. You know what must happen."

"Is this a test?" It had to be. Anything else made no sense.

"It's what you make of it." She lowered herself down to Daniel's level. "Something is missing and only you know what."

"You're missing," he blurted out, surprising himself. He hadn't truly thought about his mother in years. At least not in the way he had for some time after the accident.

"I'm not who you think I am," the woman replied. "I'm who you want me to be. But, unfortunately, Daniel, that wish cannot be fulfilled."

"But that's what missing," he insisted. "You and Dad..." He coughed, feeling tears strike again. He hated crying. Was so damn sick of it.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know. But the past has happened and you cannot change it."

"Then why I am here? Why I am small again? Is this some kind of cruel joke?" Daniel could hear the bitterness creeping into his voice.

"It's what you make of it," she repeated.

"That's not an answer!" he shouted, shoving himself to his feet and pushing her hand away.

"It's the best I can offer, Danny. Only you can do the rest." She smiled at him sadly. "I gave you a gift, but you have not fully recognized it."

"*This*," Daniel spat out, pointing at himself, "is not a gift. This is my life."

"Your life is a gift," she countered. "And it's not just for you."

He felt like throwing something against a wall. This was going nowhere. "What?"

"It is up to you to figure this out. I can't help you any more."

"Then I want to go home," he told her, swatting at the tears falling from his eyes yet again. He turned away from her, and faced the wall, tired of people watching him cry. And he sure as hell was tired of statements that made no sense, yet still managed to unearth feelings he'd thought he'd buried forever.

"You must first make a choice. And when you do, you will find your way home."

Daniel blinked, his tears blurring his vision He shook his head again. "No..." he muttered and spun around back towards her.

But all that greeted him was an empty room and the swallow pool of water.

--

It had been thirty minutes and there was no Daniel. Jack was trying not to worry, but found it nearly impossible. He couldn't help but worry. Daniel was his friend.

Daniel was very nearly his son. *Had* been his son on paper.

The moment that word entered his brain Jack physically took a step back. Carter gave him an odd look.

"You all right, sir?" she asked.

"Yeah," he muttered. He needed to clear his head, but the word "son" continued to echo through his mind. Like it or not, that was what Daniel was becoming. He realized it during the tonsil fiasco, but it still seemed unreal.

Not that they hadn't been treating it as anything else, but when a shred of hope was still alive, it showed. It left Daniel uneasy and while the papers that declared him Daniel O'Neill had been signed for some time, the emotional acceptance of them had yet to come full circle. Yes, Daniel was almost there, but not quite.

He, on the other hand...

Jack threw his hand up into the air. "What the hell is taking so long? Either they give us back a six-year-old or they give us back a thirty-nine-year-old. And there better be none of 'it's wonderful' crap. They better deliver Daniel and they better deliver him soon!"

He didn't realize he was shouting until Carter frowned and several children turned to stare at Jack.

Instincts be damned. He was going in and no one was going to stop him.

--

Daniel found himself back at the water. This time, the only reflection that stared up at him was a six-year-old face streaked with tears.

He had no clue how to proceed.

Daniel wanted to be big again, in fact he wanted his old life back so badly it hurt, yet if that was case shouldn't he be thirty-nine already? Shouldn't he be on his way home now?

//You must make a choice.//

Her words echoed through him and he shivered slightly. He had a choice. He wanted to be normal again. But why wasn't it happening?

Why was he still six?

Daniel's legs suddenly grew heavy and he sat down on the ground. One shoelace was untied and he twirled it between his fingers a moment.

Shoelaces.

That was where his whole emotional ordeal had started. Not when he was standing on PX385 in clothing way too large for him. Not when Jack scooped him up in his arms and took him through the gate. Upset, shock, yes, those things happened. But it wasn't until Sam handed him a tiny sneaker with tiny white laces that it truly sunk in.

It wasn't until clumsy hands failed to successfully complete a task he once did with such ease that he knew that this wasn't going away. He had launched the shoe across the room and the frustration only had gotten worse with each passing day.

His mother had taught him how to tie his shoes the first time. The first time around, Daniel hadn't learned until he was nearly eight. In Egypt he went barefoot or wore sandals. The few occasions that involved laced shoes were few and far between, so when they cropped up, his mother tied the laces without a thought.

When they got to New York, she bought him a pair of red sneakers. Daniel had never seen anything quite like them before. He'd been so excited when the saleswomen put them on his feet. But the excitement faded when he discovered he had no clue how to tie them.

The first few days in his sneakers, the laces came undone a lot. It seemed like every other second Daniel needed to ask his mother or father to retie them.

But his parents were busy with the upcoming museum exhibit and he felt guilty for distracting them every time his shoe was untied. So when he sat down so mom could tie his laces for the third time in one day, he asked her how to do it.

Almost eight-year-old fingers were better coordinated then five-year-old ones, so Daniel watched and copied. The first try was very, very sloppy, but he got better.

In a week, he could tie almost as well as Mom could.

The day they died, he'd stood in front of his parents and pointed to his feet.

"See?"

They were so proud and he could still remember the smile his mother had given him.

Six hours later, his world had changed and shoelaces were no longer important.

Until now. Daniel looked at the laces entwined in his fingers. Without thinking about it, he lifted his other hand and together both hands retied his shoe.

It was almost perfect.

An accomplishment. He'd been so excited and the smile on Jack's face rivaled the one his mother had given so many years ago.

Jack was proud of him. Jack was....

...the missing piece.

Was that what the woman had meant? She'd told him the gift wasn't just for him. Was it for Jack?

Suddenly his choice didn't feel so simple. He knew why he was still here. And it only confused him even more.

He started to run his fingers across the loops of his tied shoelaces, when he heard a door open. He turned...

"What the...?"

...and found himself looking straight at Jack.

--

Jack wasn't completely sure what had happened. One moment he was marching towards the mysterious brick building, the next he was being shoved through a door and dropped into a room. He heard a slam from behind him and turned to see where he was.

"What the...?"

That's when he saw Daniel. Six-year-old Daniel, looking the same as he'd looked for the past year. Daniel's face was tear-lined and Jack resisted the urge to scoop the child into his arms. Instead he settled for a simple, "Daniel."

"Jack." Daniel blinked at him and looked confused. "Why are you here?"

"You were taking too long," he said with a shrug. "I'm guessing it's no-go, huh, kiddo?" Jack again fought the temptation to step closer. Daniel needed his space, especially if this trip had been made in vain.

"I don't know if it is." Daniel sniffed and lifted a small hand to wipe at his nose.

"Daniel, don't do..." Jack reached into his pocket and withdrew a travel-size package of Kleenex. Because of Daniel, Jack never went anywhere without tissues. He pulled one out and offered it to him.

Daniel took it and tried to blow his nose. He was failing miserably and Jack couldn't stand to watch anymore.

"Here." He stepped in and took the tissue, holding it in place under Daniel's nose. "Blow."

Daniel did, but pushed himself away the second he was done.

"I don't need your help," he insisted. "I..."

"I know," Jack muttered. Daniel didn't like the fact that he needed help. Daniel was independent, through and through, and being six had done some not so good things to the linguist's confidence levels. Daniel's limitations were many and even though Daniel had come a long way this past year, the frustration was never completely forgotten.

"Jack, I..."

Jack watched Daniel swallow and shift his feet. Jack noticed one of shoelaces had come undone. Without hesitation, Jack started to bend down to fix it.

"No!" Daniel abruptly stepped back, leaning down to tie the shoe himself. It took a few moments, but Daniel managed, just as he had been for the past couple of months.

Jack wanted to kick himself. Of course. He'd forgotten. Daniel could tie his shoes now and was quite proud of the fact. He practiced all the time.

What kind of parent was he?

Daniel straightened back up. Jack wasn't sure how to proceed from here. Daniel was still six - did that mean it was over and they went home? Locked PX385 out of the computer forever and let Daniel grow up as normally as he could?

Jack had no clue what to say.

"I'm sorry," were the first words his mouth managed to utter, but they sounded hallow and empty.

Daniel shook his head. "It's not over," he stated.

"It isn't?" Now Jack was confused.

"I have to make a choice."

"Oh." This was the end all right. Jack felt a pang of sadness stir up inside him. He knew that even though he wanted his friend back, he'd miss this Daniel. He'd just gotten used to this Daniel. Gotten used to being a dad, again.

There was that word again. This wasn't fair. Not to Daniel. Daniel deserved his life back. Would get his life back.

Starting now.

"So why haven't you? Made your decision, that is?"

Daniel bit his lip and Jack could see the six-year-old fighting to keep his thumb down at his side.

"I thought I had."

Jack frowned. "You haven't? Daniel, you've wanted to be an adult since this whole thing started."

"I know." Daniel kicked an imaginary piece of dirt. "She told me it was a gift, but that it wasn't just for me."

"A gift? And who is 'she?'"

"My mother."

Jack's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to ask the first of a million questions, but Daniel held up a hand and shook his head.

"She wasn't really my mother. Please, Jack, I know you have questions, questions which I don't know all the answers. Hell, we probably even have the same questions." Daniel closed his eyes a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again and meeting Jack's eyes. "I need to talk to you."

Jack nodded.

"I...miss my old life. I miss driving and coffee and being able to use my knowledge to its full potential. I mean not needing a boost to reach the top shelf of the fridge, I miss being able to hold my emotions back and not cry at the drop of a hat. I miss being taken seriously. I miss feeling like the adult I am...not feeling confused because part of me feels like a child and part of me doesn't. Sometimes it's too much to bear and I feel confused because part of me wants to do something as simple as use a million curse words, yet another part knows that is not what a child is supposed to do.

"On the other hand, being six hasn't been a totally worthless experience. I like watching Sponge Bob and playing with Matchbox cars. I didn't do either of those things the first time around. I like coloring, even though I'm frustrated when I can't stay inside the line. I like hugs and..."

Daniel took a deep breathe before continuing and Jack held his.

"It's your gift, too, Jack. That's what she told me. I miss my mom. And my dad, but honestly, today I didn't miss him quite as much as mom. I have you and..." Daniel sniffed and Jack knew what was coming next. Two second later, he had his arms around Daniel.

"...and you..." Daniel couldn't finish and Jack just hugged him as tightly as could, reveling in the warmth of the small body.

God, he would miss this. He needed Daniel as much as Daniel needed him.

Gain a friend, lose a child. Keep a child, lose a friend. No one was a winner.

He stroked Daniel's back. "It's okay," he soothed.

"It's not," Daniel muttered into his shirt. "Because I want to be big and you want me to stay small. It's not fair."

"Who says I don't want you to be big again?" Jack didn't stop rubbing. Daniel didn't need to feel guilty about this. This was Daniel's decision and Jack knew Daniel could never be completely happy if he based it solely on Jack's welfare.

"Because." Daniel inhaled through his nose and Jack could hear the clogged nasal passages and felt the congestion building in Daniel's chest. An asthma attack was never far behind this; Daniel couldn't afford to get any more upset or Jack though he might need to take him back to SGC and Daniel's chance would really be gone.

Forever.

"Because why?"

"Because you...I want to be your son, Jack. But I..." Daniel nuzzled his head into Jack's shoulder, turning away.

"Can't," Jack finished. "I know."

He did. He knew after the tonsil incident. Daniel was trying so hard to let go, trying so hard to tell himself that was what he needed to go. Jack saw the fight within those blue eye, saw the hope still flickering. Jack was the realist and he had been wrong.

Daniel needed to make this choice.

Daniel needed to make the right choice.

Jack hugged him close again, and then let him go. Daniel stared at him, blond bangs falling into his eyes. He looked innocent and trusting and Jack took a mental snapshot of a little boy he knew he'd never ever be able to forget.

He gave Daniel a smile.

"Your choice, Daniel. *Your* life."

--

His choice. Jack told him it was his choice.

Jack told him it was okay.

But was it? Was it really? Daniel took another look at the man that had welcomed him into his home without a second thought. Drew up adoption papers and let Daniel take the final step in signing them.

Jack loved him, like a friend, like a brother.

Like a father.

It was more than Daniel could ever ask for and more than he could ever need, but Daniel knew he couldn't do this. He couldn't grow up again.

She was right. Something was missing and only Daniel knew what it was.

Daniel turned from Jack and walked over to the water. He told one last look at the six-year-old staring back at him.

Then he closed his eyes and made his choice.

Epilogue
---------------


Daniel knew the next time he entered Jack's house it would be different.

For one, it was *Jack's* house again, not his and Jack's house. Not the home he considered it to be for the last year. The air felt different and the view was almost shocking.

He figured being nearly three feet taller than he was forty-eight hours ago would change a person's perception greatly.

A lot had happened in these last two days. More than Daniel could ever imagine. He'd been waiting for this to happen since he woke up and found himself trapped in a five-year-old's body. Being told it was a "gift" didn't make the solution any better.

Janet hadn't been able to fix it. Neither had Sam. Neither could the Tok'ra or the Asguard. Attempts to redial PX385 had failed and failed.

He'd been told it was permanent and had little choice but to try to adapt. It almost seemed like a horrible dream.

But the stack of cardboard boxes outside of Jack's spare room - his old room - showed him it was anything but. Daniel stopped in front of one box and peered inside.

A stack of Sponge Bob DVDs stared up at him.

Daniel's memory of his return trip to PX385 was blurry as best. He remembered a woman and he remembered Jack, but what he told either of them wasn't clear. There was water, at least he'd thought there had been.

The next thing he was aware of was waking up in his usual infirmary bed, a heart monitor beeping above him, and Jack asleep in the chair next to him. In Jack's hand was a small black sneaker, its laces undone.

Daniel immediately knew what had happened. He'd lifted a hand and blinked at the size of his palm.

Daniel Jackson was back.

Daniel O'Neill was gone.

And, as Daniel stared down into the box of Sponge Bob DVDs, Daniel missed him - more than he ever thought was possible.

Inside the room, he heard the sound of someone moving, knew he was picking up items and dropping them into boxes.

Jack.

Daniel knocked on the partially open door before sticking his head in. He wasn't sure if he was truly ready to see the room, but he knew it was know or never. And perhaps the only chance he'd ever have of seeing how Jack O'Neill was really coping.

Though he'd told everyone the memories were blurry - nonexistent really - there was one thing he did recall. Jack told him it was his choice and he remembered the understanding look Jack gave him. But that did not mean that Jack was okay.

Daniel felt like he'd taken away another one of Jack's sons. He could tell himself that it wasn't his fault, but that didn't make the situation any better. Jack would be depressed.

Which was why Jack was packing. Jack was getting rid of every trace of Daniel O'Neill just as Daniel was working hard to regain every part of Daniel Jackson.

At his knock, Jack looked up from the box he was packing.

"Hi," Daniel started.

"Hi." Jack went back to loading items into the box.

"Jack, I-"

"Don't," Jack said, cutting him off. "Don't start, Daniel."

Daniel bit his lip. Already, this wasn't going well and Daniel had no clue how to improve it. His own emotions were on edge and though he had much more control over them than he'd had in a long time, he didn't want tempt fate.

He contemplated heading back into the living room when he heard Jack sigh.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I'm not, well, I'm not great company right now."

"You don't have to pack it all right now, Jack. And I can help."

"I know. It's just..." Jack's hand felt down to his side. "I'm glad you're back, Daniel. I missed you."

"I missed me," Daniel admitted. "But I wasn't really gone, was I?"

Jack shook his head. "No. But it was..."

"Different," Daniel finished. "I wish I could have been your son, Jack, I do, but this experience have left me with lessons I'm sure I haven't even figured out yet."

"I heard Fraiser wants you to talk to MacKenzie. Think it will help?"

"Yes, well, Janet's intentions are good, but that's not going to happen. She wants you to talk to him as well."

Jack snorted. "Like that's going to happen. I'd rather take on the Gou'ald."

Daniel smiled. "I figured as much." Daniel tipped his head down, feeling his glasses slip every so slightly down the bridge of his nose. He reached up to the frames. They felt foreign after not relying on them for a year. "You think we'll be okay?"

Jack shrugged. "I think I will be. In time, at least. As for you, I think you only know the answer to that one."

"I'll be okay." And he believed it. He'd faced demons before and survived. Besides, he hardly thought living one year in a six-year-old's shoes could be considered another demon. It was a hurdle, that's for sure, but Daniel knew it was time well spent.

And he knew if he could back and stop the transformation from ever happening in the first place, he wouldn't.

That, perhaps, was the biggest surprise of all.

Daniel smiled at the thought and for the first time, looked at what Jack was actually packing. Most of it was clothing, but that was one item that wasn't. It sat on the bare mattress, just butting up against the cardboard.

Shoes. Velcro shoes.

Daniel picked one of them up, peeled the Velcro fastener apart and listened to the scarping sound it made.

"Can I keep this?" he asked Jack.

Jack looked at him confused. "Sure. You know, those were your first pair. After the ones Carter bought, I mean."

"I know. You bought them for me. You understood why I needed them and you didn't make a big deal about it." He slowly turned the shoe around in his hands. "The first time around, I was nearly eight when I could finally tie my shoes. In Egypt, I spent most of my time barefoot, or in sandals. Just before my parents died, my mother taught me how to tie them. The morning it happened, I managed to tie both of them and was so proud of it. When they were gone, being able to tie my shoes didn't seem to matter anymore."

"It mattered," Jack said softly. "Your parents would be proud."

Daniel nodded. "I know. But this time, I didn't care if they were. This time, all I cared about was you." Daniel took a deep breath. "Jack, thank you."

Jack smiled. "Anytime, Daniel. Just remember, big or small, this room will always be yours."

"I know."

Daniel refastened the Velcro across the sneaker. Tying shoelaces is easy. Being lucky enough to have such a wonderful friend wasn't.

He knew, in the end, he and Jack would be just fine.